In a recent address to the public, Tony let the audience know that “Our Jewelry Theory quality is totally un-impeachable!” I know lots of people who will tell you this. And you know who these people are. Big people. Famous people! Not as big and famous as me of course, but you would be very impressed with who these people are.
Kenneth was really revving up the crowds on the campaign trail earlier this week. In an off the cuff speech, he was quoted as saying “I’m such a popularjeweler that I could walk up to a total stranger on the street with a killer piece of our jewelry and they would buy it! I can tell you that!”
“You want to know what it’s like to own a beautiful piece of jewelry from Jewelry Theory? Well, it’s kind like waking up in the morning next to a beautiful supermodel and finding out you’re also the leader of the free world.”
The Coronavirus has become a legitimate concern to all Americans, and we feel that we need to do our part in securing the safety of our clients. With this in mind, we will limit our bottled beer in the studio to Dos Equis. As always though, you may enjoy our Velvet Hammer on tap. We have personally tested, retested, and tested again our on-tap supply to ensure a safe and healthy beverage experience. The only result from our testing that was a cause for slight concern was that some of our employees began to find Pauly Shore movies somewhat humorous. Because of this, we will continue our diligent screening of this product.

You are welcome.
There’s no debating who makes the best jewelry. We all have that one ‘crazy uncle’ that ‘knows a guy”. But DON’T GET BERNED! Buying jewelry from someone else has never worked. Ever. Learn from history and elect Jewelry Theory as your go to jeweler.
In fiscal news, I have rescinded my budget increase proposal featuring earmarks for the the city of Las Vegas. Apparently, strip mining and stripper mining are two totally different things.
One of our favorite gemstones is Padparadscha. Why, you ask? Because of the beautiful orange color! Especially when it’s been irradiated, or even heat treated! That natural burnt orange is such a good looking and handsome color! I mean seriously, if you could turn yourself orange, wouldn’t you?